soul searching from the out of focus guy
So it struck me recently that I am the out of focus guy. You know that person in the back of pictures that’s there but kinda out of place, fuzzy?
Why do I feel like that? It’s simple - I don’t think I know who I am or I’m not the person I feel I should be.
I know who I want to be and in some cases I am that person (loving, devoted husband and caring nuturing father) but there are these grandiose asperations for more and I feel out of focus.
Health and activity wise i’m out of control. Don’t take me wrong i’m not a blimp or anything but I look in the mirror and it is not the man I want to see also pictures don’t lie. But I strugle to find the time and energy to be healtier and exercise. By the time I get home and either cook or watch the baby, bath or play, and put the kiddo down it’s nighttime or I’m too exhausted. Mornings are out cause the kiddo is an early riser. And weekends are insane; but still is running 2 times a week really going to do anything (actually yes - I should squeesze something in then right)?
I want to be green to protect the earth for my children and grandchildren (after that I won’t know them so their on their own) - that I think I am doing well with but could be doing more.
I want friends/stengthen existing relationships (this really connects best to the out of fucus guy reference). It seems the older I get the further from existing friends I get. Also our lives are so busy it makes getting together hard.
So somehow I need to find a way to get in focus. With one on the way life’s not going to get any easier and I guess I should look at this as Mandatory Things That I Need. I deserve it, other people/parents have been successful in many ways and lived to tell about it (what was that guys name Charles Manson?) So why can’t I?
This now begins the Dawn of Me!
